Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
