Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
