yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
