Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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