he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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