Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
