but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
