i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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