): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
