Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
