She is in my trunk
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She told me I should be a condom model.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
