I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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