I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Your cock deserves a montage
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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