I wanna passion pit in your ass
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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