I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
