This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
