I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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