I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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