I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
