Define "chronic" masturbator.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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