I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
