I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
