If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
