Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My life is pants optional.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
