your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
