maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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