He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
