If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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