Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
