I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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