he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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