thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
