the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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