It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Someone shit on the floor
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
