Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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