It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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