not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
