so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
