I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Alive.
So much puke
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
