i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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