I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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