I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
