ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
