bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
