that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
