dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
