Your face is a jimmy john
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
