and she was petting her beer can
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
