well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
