Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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