my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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