Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
